Saying Goodbye
by SINGACTWRITE123
Summary: Set during 'The Sound of Silence'. After Meredith is attacked by a patient, she is rushed into surgery, and gets to see Derek one last time to truly say goodbye. One-shot and most likely a final fanfic by me.
**Disclaimer: I don't own Greys.**

 **Author's Note: I feel I should take a moment to apologize for just leaving the fanfic world a few years ago. I have grown up a lot. My first fanfics i ever wrote were from when I was very, very young (13-14ish... I don't remember exactly.) I have moved on to do more professional works, etc, however, I recently checked back and saw a few reviews saying they were sad to see me disappear. I felt I had to write this little one shot as a way to truly say goodbye, and also as a way to let go of Derek's death on the show. It was an unacceptable death for me and I will never be fully okay with Grey's again, but Shonda somehow made the show still watchable for me.**

 **So this little one-shot takes place during when Meredith was attacked by the patient and went into surgery. Since she was pretty close to death, I wished this would have happened on the show.**

 **Anyways... here we go.**

Meredith opened her eyes to find that she was in her bedroom... but it wasn't quite her room. It was different somehow, and she realized, with horror, that she was back in the dream house she had built with Derek.

Confused, she stood, walking around the oddly lit house, feeling like she was in a dream. She tried to wake herself up, but this felt all-too-familiar.

"No," she whispered. "I'm not dead. I'm not dead." She walked downstairs, her eyes flashing back and forth. "Denny?" she called out. "Now would be a great time to show up and tell me that I'm not dead and I have a freaking choice to make!"

She made her way to the front door, opening it, surprised to find that it was dark outside, but something illuminated the entire house. It was surrounded by the candles she had once lit, her 'house of candles.' Something very odd was happening.

The candles lines the whole landscape, sitting in the windows, scattering around the porch.

"This can't be happening," Meredith whispered, thinking back to her kids and knowing her mind was already made up, that she would of course choose to go back to them. "I'm not dead," she said like a mantra, leaning against the structure of the porch. "I'm not dead. I'm not dead."

"You're not dead," a voice said from behind her, and she spun around. "Just in surgery."

There he stood, perfect as ever: his dark curly hair, big blue eyes, gorgeous smile. He looked younger, but his few grey streaks were still beautifully there.

Meredith's mouth went dry, her eyes wide and slowly filling with tears. "Derek," she croaked.

He smiled at her, and even his eyes were filling with tears. "Hey Mer."

Her lips quivered. She had held herself together for so long besides a few tears here and there and a few screaming matches with Amelia. She had to stay strong for her kids.

But now, having him here in front of her, she felt everything melting apart.

"Come here," Derek said softly, a tear rolling down his cheek. He reached out for her and she automatically flinched backwards, somehow not believing that any of this could be happening. "Mer, it's me. Look, it's me."

She really looked at him, and slowly reached forwards, her fingertips coming in contact with his chest. She jumped when she felt it. He was so real, right in front of her.

Her breaths started coming short, and she ran forwards, throwing her arms around him.

They both lost their balance, falling to the ground, wrapped up in each others' arms as Meredith sobbed loudly into Derek's chest.

"Derek!" she cried.

It took a long time for her to calm down. Every time she got close, she would smell him again, feel his hair, just keep feeling how real he truly was.

Finally, she was softly gasping in air. "H-how... I mean... how?"

She couldn't make sense of her thoughts. "Do you remember getting attacked?" his voice was gruff with his own tears.

"Mhm," she hummed. How could she forget?

"They're doing surgery on you as we speak. You'll make it and you'll be just fine. It's just... I took this opportunity to see you since it will be a while before I get to again."

Meredith's lip quivered. "I can't lose you again."

"You never lost me," Derek assured. "I've been there with you the whole time."

"Y-you have?"

"Do you remember when Zola fell off the monkey bars upside down and somehow managed to land on her feet? It made no sense, right?"

"That was you?" Meredith gasped.

Derek nodded, rubbing his hand over Meredith's shoulder. "Or when you felt lonely the first night you came back home, completely empty, and suddenly you felt comforted?"

A tear ran down Meredith's cheek. "You were there."

"Or when our baby Ellis was born. When Alex walked into the room, for half a second, you thought you heard my voice, didn't you?"

She nodded. "I wasn't imagining that?"

"I held your hand all through the C-Section." Meredith gasped in a breath.

"You did?"

"I even watched our little girl take her first breath." His voice broken on the last two words.

Meredith processed all of this slowly. Eventually she got out, "You got to see Ellis?"

Derek nodded. "I've been watching all of our children grow. They're so beautiful. Mer, I never left your side. I'm with you all the time. You just can't see me. And it breaks my heart to be so close to you and not to be able to tell you I'm there."

Suddenly, he was crying harder, and Meredith wrapped her arms around him tightly. "I'm so sorry," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry I left you Mer, that you had to do this all alone! I didn't mean to die. I shouldn't have checked my stupid phone-"

Meredith cut him off by pressing her lips firmly to his. He tensed up, not expecting it, and then kissed her back with so much passion, she thought she would faint if she were even capable of that here.

When they pulled back, both unnecessarily breathing hard, Meredith whispered, "Yeah well I won't sugar coat it. You're a big idiot."

Derek laughed softly and then pressed his head to Meredith's. "Worst breakup ever, huh?" he joked, quoting her from the day he was shot.

Meredith shook her head. "That would only count if we actually broke up. You still are and will always be my husband."

Derek pulled away slowly, frowning. "Mer," he said softly. "Please, I won't be upset if you love again. I'd be so happy for you if you did, even if I'm wishing it was me the whole time."

Meredith shook her head rapidly. "Derek, I can't do that."

"Sure you can. Just take your time. Know that I would want you to. I love you and only want you to be happy."

"Then come back with me," she begged.

He looked heartbroken. "Mer-"

"Or I'll stay here." Immediately, they both went silent and she understood that she couldn't do that. She had three children at home. "Damn it! This is so unfair!"

She pressed her head against his chest. "Well I'll tell you what," Derek started. "We have time before your surgery is over. Let's have one final, brilliant date."

Meredith wiped her eyes, and although it pained her to agree to something that was _final_ between them, she went ahead and said, "Alright. What should we do?"

"Well, we can do anything. I just brought you here because it was familiar to you. We can go to Paris, Rome, England-"

"That all sounds very fancy," Meredith chuckled.

Derek got a gleam in his eye, an suddenly, they were standing on a ferry at sunset. It was lit with candles as well. Meredith gasped at the sudden change of scenery.

"A ferry," Meredith smirked, shaking her head.

"I love ferries." Derek shrugged.

"Really?" Meredith asked, sarcastically. "I didn't know that!"

Derek stood suddenly and held out his hand. "Come here," he said. "There's something I've always wanted to do."

Meredith couldn't imagine what he had in mind, but at this point, she wouldn't question it.

She grabbed his hand and stood and they walked over to the front of the ferry. Derek motioned to the railing. "Hop up!" he said.

"What? Why?"

"Oh, just humor me!"

He held out his hand and Meredith gave in to his ridiculous request, suddenly afraid of how high up they were. Derek climbed up next. He wrapped his arms around her waist, supporting her. "Let go, I've got you." Meredith froze up. "Relax," Derek said. "It's not like we can die."

She stuck her tongue out at him, and gave in letting go. Derek helped her lift her arms out to the side, and she suddenly realized what he was doing. "You're an idiot!" She broke out into laughter, finally seeing that he was referencing the Titanic.

"I'm a hopeless romantic," he corrected. "Look Rose, you're flying!"

Meredith threw her head back, watching the sunset over the water. It was beautiful, and she grasped his hands, turning to mimic the kiss in the titanic. "Take me home," she whispered.

Derek understood what she meant, and after a moment, they flashed back to their living room. Derek's favorite, scratchy blanket was set up on the floor. There was a bottle of champagne and two wine glasses. The fire was burning brightly in the fireplace and there were one again candles everywhere.

Meredith recognized this scenery from Izzie's and Alex's wedding night, how Meredith and Derek had gone back here after and had the best non-honeymoon ever.

Derek slowly unwound his arms from around Meredith and led her to the blanket. They both sat down and he reached for the champagne bottle, trying to open it. Not being very careful, and always a little too smug with himself, Derek managed to spray the champagne all over the two of them. "Sorry!" he gasped, laughing. "Let me imagine us some new clothes."

Meredith looked him right in the eye. "Or we could just take them off," she suggested.

Derek smirked. He wasn't arguing.

He pulled his shirt up and over his head and then leaned in to kiss Meredith deeply and they fell back onto the blanket.

As the candles burned and the fire flickered, and all time ceased to exist, the two made love, seeming to forget where they were or what was happening. All that mattered was that they were Meredith and Derek and that they loved each other.

Eventually the two collapsed into a heap of limps, breathing heavily, forgetting that breathing wasn't even necessary where they were.

"Well I've missed that," Derek panted, and the two broke into hysterics, smiles so wide their cheeks hurt.

"Me too!" Meredith got out. "That was the best like... ever!"

"Agreed!"

All troubles were forgotten until Meredith lay her head onto Derek's chest, subconsciously expecting his rhythmic heartbeat, and only finding emptiness. Her throat instantly felt tight and her eyes filled with tears. Derek held her tightly to him, cradling her, running his fingers softly through her hair.

"When you went back to our dream house, you still felt me there," he said. "You felt me everywhere. You moved back to your old house because it was too much. My energy was so heavy in that house, so apparent..."

"Because you were there," Meredith choked out.

"It only happens sometimes," Derek continued. "For most people, they get glimpses, soft feelings of a loved-one's energy. Denny told you about that last time you were here, right?"

Meredith nodded.

"But what we have is rare," Derek continued. "The rarest type of love. I didn't even realize it until I wound up here. The reason the two of us could never stay apart for long, why my world lit up when I met you and there was passion and love everywhere is because we are... are..." He trailed off, and Meredith could hear his voice catching on the word.

"Soulmates?" she whispered, and he nodded.

"We may have experienced some shitty luck Mer, but we were still lucky. Everything led us together. Addison and I were fighting. She slept with Mark. I left, found a new job, met a beautiful girl in a bar who kicked me out of her house, and I thought I might never see her again, only to find her later that day working at the exact same new job that I had." Meredith smiled softly. "Something always brought us back together Mer. Always."

Meredith leaned up to kiss him softly. "Are you happy?" she whispered. "I mean... I don't know how this whole dying thing works!"

"I'm at peace," Derek offered.

"Really? Are you lonely?"

"Nah! I have my father up here-"

"Your father?" Meredith gasped.

"Sure! And Mark, Lexie, George, and lots of other people I knew who passed on. Oh, and Doc, of course!"

Meredith's eyes grew wide. "L-Lexie?" she gasped. "George? Mark?"

"They're all doing great," Derek assured. "They're watching over they're family and friends all the time. It would have been too much to bring them all here now though. They all send their love. Lexie says she's perfectly happy. Doc is a crazy dog as always, and your mother said to tell you she is very, very proud of you and that she loves you and she is honored that you named our baby after her."

Tears continued to run down Meredith's cheeks, but her pain was replaced by peace, a huge relief.

"Thank you," she said.

She leaned in and kissed him deeply. She started to feel extremely fuzzy, and then very heavy.

"Derek," Meredith gasped.

"Your surgery is over," he said with a sad smile.

"But I... I need more time! Please!"

"Mer, time down there is so different from time here. You've only got a lifetime there, but up here we have eternity."

She was fading fast. "Stay," she whispered. "Please!"

"I told you Mer... I'm always with you."

She gasped in a heavy breath, clinging to him as much as she could. She was glowing, iridescent.

"Make sure my kids know how much I love them," Derek said, speeding through everything he had to tell her. "And know that my life brightened the day I met you, and even though we fought a lot, it stayed bright through the rest of my life. You and our children are my world and you made my life worth living Meredith. I will always be grateful to you for that."

"Will I remember this?" Meredith asked.

Derek looked so sad as he said, "In some ways, yes. But you won't fully remember it, no. Just try and know that I am always there, always loving you so much."

She was almost gone. Derek pulled her to him as the world around her grew bright and he kissed her. "I love you," he cried. "I love you so much!"

"I love you too!" Meredith sobbed, and pressed her lips back to Derek's as she faded completely.

...

Everything was silent as she woke up. Everything hurt.

She remembered the attack.

Alex and Maggie were there in front of her. They were very blurry.

then she saw Richard.

There was a heavy sense of dread in her.

She felt alone in the silence. She wanted to just give up, when she suddenly felt something there with her, a hint of hope, love.

She couldn't place what it was, but if her jaw wasn't screwed up and she could smile, she would have.

Maggie was moving her mouth, trying to talk with a big, cheesy, worried smile.

Meredith fell back into the darkness, but there was light holding her, love guiding her.

And although she couldn't understand it, deep down she knew it was him, and he was there with her.

Always.

Her Derek.

 **A/N: Well that was it my lovelies. I will probably not be writing any more fanfic but this felt needed for a long time. I believe in true love, and we al have a Derek to our Meredith or vice versa out there. Always remember that you are loved, you are important, and you will do amazing things. Don't ever let anybody bring you down. Life is beautiful. Trust the journey. I have finally started to and life has truly become an incredible blessing for me, filled with love all around me. And if you ever doubt that someone cares, always know that I am sending love and I believe in every single one of you. 3**

 **-SINGACTWRITE123**


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